Solving sibling rivalry: how to stop siblings from fighting

We’re often told that family is the steady rock upon which we can always depend on, but what happens when your children simply don’t seem to get along? Sibling rivalry is a common thing in households with two or more children — and guess what? It’s perfectly normal! As children develop their sense of self and their own personalities, siblings may start to argue. Parents may wonder how to get siblings to stop fighting and in some cases, even resort to physical punishment. However, instead of resorting to such drastic measures immediately which may cause long-term resentment, try out these strategies to counter their sibling spats instead:

1. Communication and empathy

Encourage your children to express their feelings and perspectives calmly, even if they're quite young. Since children often struggle with regulating their emotions, parents play a vital role in monitoring and mediating their conversations. If your child starts showing negative emotions, reacts negatively, or is generally experiencing a lot of frustration towards their siblings, redirect the conversation. Start by explaining that while their feelings are valid, their actions are hurtful and their siblings are also an important part of the family. Encourage empathy by asking them to consider how those words might hurt their sibling. This approach helps children recognise, understand, and validate each other's emotions, improving their conflict resolution skills.

2. Give your children equal attention

Spending family time is wonderful, but in larger families, children may crave one-on-one moments with their parents. Allocating individual time to each child fosters unique bonds and assures them of their special place in your heart. Avoid comparing siblings and celebrate their distinct strengths and interests. This will help prevent jealousy and promote a secure family environment where your children will feel equally seen and loved.

3. Avoid favouritism and unfair expectations 

Keeping sibling bonds healthy means treating all siblings fairly, no matter whether they’re the eldest or youngest child. It's about making sure each child gets the same attention and chances. Sharing responsibilities equally helps them learn teamwork and keeps things fair. Rather than split the chores between siblings, a method which often results in siblings fighting over who has the easier chore, assign age-appropriate chores to each child that will require collaboration to encourage them to cooperate and get things done faster. Additionally, when there's a fight, don't always assume the older sibling is to blame, and don't always make them give in or compromise as they may feel neglected and unimportant which will lead to resentment. These simple steps create a balanced and respectful sibling relationship, allowing them to grow together and support each other as they go through life.

4. Teach effective conflict resolution and establishing boundaries 

Fights are an inevitable part of having siblings, but parents can teach them how to resolve these conflicts constructively. You may not be able to stop every sibling fight, but intervening and teaching them that arguments can be amicably resolved is the first step to building healthy sibling relationships. Parents can teach their children about problem-solving skills, such as taking turns, compromising, and apologising. Parents should also stress the importance of respecting each other's personal space and possessions from a young age. For instance, teaching your child what to do and what to say in moments of conflict with their siblings — using words like “Excuse me” when they want their sibling to move out of the way, or “I don’t like that, please stop” when on the receiving end of an action they find displeasurable.

5. Positive reinforcement

Children often crave their parent’s approval, so make sure to recognise and praise instances of cooperation and positive interactions among siblings. Reinforcing desired behaviours through positive feedback has proven to be effective even in very young children. In cases where conflicts escalate, mediate as necessary, ensuring a fair and peaceful resolution.

There is no quick fix when it comes to getting siblings to stop fighting, but by utilising these strategies, you can help to build the foundation for a more peaceful sibling relationship. As parents, we all hold the hope that our children will eventually stop fighting and learn to get along. The good news is that, more often than not, sibling rivalry tends to resolve itself as they enter adulthood. However, it's completely understandable that you might have concerns about their future right now.

As a caring parent, while you're diligently nurturing your children's conflict resolution skills, it's equally important to think ahead about securing their future. Rather than dwelling on concerns about whether they'll rely on each other when you're no longer there, take a proactive step today by setting them up for success regardless. Explore the GREAT Multi-Gen Wealth insurance plan, a gift of protection that extends from you to them, safeguarding their future and that of their children in turn, just as you've always envisioned.