All about active listening

Ever wonder how some people are just great with connecting with others? Not only is this due to the ability to speak well, but listening too!

Reflective listening: more than words
If you ever wanted to be a more supportive partner to your spouse, a better friend and an improved communicator, it's time to change the way you think about communication. While we often view communication as spoken words, the process is actually one that also includes body language and listening.

Being an active listener is one of the best ways to connect with people, engage them and make them feel valued. Also known as 'reflective listening', active listening is a simple technique, enables you to better understand a speaker's message and emotions.

Anyone can benefit from practicing reflective listening. It can help develop your communication skills and be:

A more supportive spouse, partner, friend

A more sensitive salesperson, manager, leader, colleague, employee

A more empathetic counselor, parent, therapist, confidante

A better problem solver

How does reflective listening work?
Reflective listening means you have to be committed and give your full attention to the person to whom you are communicating with. You should reserve your own judgment and emotion and focus on the feelings, perspective and standpoint of the speaker.

The main idea is to try to understand the key message or idea and then offer it back to the speaker to confirm that the message or idea has been understood. The speaker can then clarify his or her meaning and the conversation can go on.

This interactive way of communication is a constructive way to resolve conflict, brainstorm, share ideas and understand others better.

Some examples of reflective listening include:

Paraphrasing what is said. Use phases like: ‘Correct me if I’m wrong…’; ‘I take it to understand…’; ‘What I’m hearing is…’, etc

Identifying the emotion as well as the facts. If someone says “I am worried I am going to lose my job”, don’t say “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s going to be alright”. Instead, empathise and offer them a way to elaborate: “That’s a scary thought. What do you think you can do if that happens?”

Letting the speaker know you acknowledge their emotions and accept their perspective (even if you don’t agree). Use phrases such as: “It sounds as if you feel….” or “I can see why you feel like this…”