Retirement planning for couples: how to avoid fights over money

Money is one of the leading causes of friction in any relationship, and retirement can magnify that tension. Suddenly, the flow of regular income stops, decisions about withdrawals, spending, and investments become daily concerns, and couples often realise they haven’t discussed their financial priorities in decades.

For Singaporean couples, who may also be balancing CPF LIFE, investments, housing, and caregiving responsibilities, planning retirement income together is essential for relationship harmony and long-term financial security.

Why couples fight about money in retirement

Even the happiest couples can clash over money when retirement begins. Common triggers include:

• Different spending habits: One partner may prioritise travel or hobbies, while the other is more conservative.
• Unequal contributions or assets: Disparities in CPF balances, savings, or investments can create feelings of imbalance.
• Hidden debts or obligations: Past loans, credit card balances, or family obligations can surface unexpectedly.
• Unclear income streams: Confusion about CPF LIFE payouts, annuities, and personal savings can lead to disagreements.

Scenario:

Mr and Mrs Tan both retired at 65. Mrs Tan wanted to travel extensively, while Mr Tan preferred to preserve savings for family emergencies. Without a joint plan, they argued frequently over withdrawals, leading to tension and frustration.

Step 1: Start with a shared retirement vision

Before numbers come into play, couples need to discuss:

• Lifestyle goals: Travel, hobbies, luxury purchases, and charitable giving.
• Location choices: Staying in Singapore versus part-retirement abroad.
• Legacy planning: Inheritance, family support, and estate goals.

Scenario:

Mr and Mrs Lim created a vision board for their retirement, including travel goals, home renovations, and donations to their favourite charity. Aligning on goals reduced disagreements about spending priorities.

Insight: When couples agree on the “why” behind spending, the “how” becomes easier to manage.

Step 2: Consolidate and understand income streams

Singaporean couples often have multiple sources of retirement income:

• CPF LIFE payouts: Monthly essential income for each spouse.
• Investments and dividends: Funds for discretionary spending.
• Annuities: Guaranteed payouts for lifestyle needs.
• Part-time income: Consulting, tutoring, or monetising hobbies.

Practical Tip:

• Create a joint income map, listing all sources, expected monthly amounts, and withdrawal schedules.
• Identify which income covers essentials and which funds discretionary spending.

Scenario:

Mr and Mrs Ong mapped their CPF LIFE, dividends, and annuity payouts. Essentials were covered first, and remaining funds were allocated to travel and hobbies. This clear separation minimised conflict over withdrawals.

Step 3: Agree on a budget together

Budgeting is not about restriction, it is about clarity and shared expectations.

• Essentials versus discretionary: Housing, healthcare, and utilities take priority; discretionary spending covers hobbies, travel, dining, and gifts.
• Inflation buffers: Plan for 2 to 3% annual increases.
• Review periodically: Budgets are not static. Adjust with lifestyle changes or market conditions.

Scenario:

The Lims reviewed their budget quarterly. Each could spend a pre-agreed discretionary allowance independently. Remaining funds were jointly managed for shared goals, reducing conflict and preserving autonomy.

Step 4: Align risk tolerance and investments

Couples often have different comfort levels with investment risk:

• One partner may favour conservative bonds; the other prefers equities.
• Mismatched risk tolerance can lead to disputes if portfolios fluctuate.

Practical solutions:

• Diversify portfolios jointly, balancing growth and stability.
• Separate discretionary portfolios for higher-risk funds, while keeping essential income secure.
• Regular check-ins to reassess risk appetite as retirement progresses.

Scenario:

Mr Tan preferred conservative bonds, Mrs Tan wanted higher returns. They agreed on a split: 70% of savings in low-risk instruments for essentials, 30% in a discretionary portfolio for travel and hobbies. This approach preserved peace while allowing both spouses to pursue their goals.

Step 5: Plan for unexpected events together

Emergencies such as healthcare costs, family obligations, or sudden home repairs can trigger conflict if funds are not pre-allocated.

• Maintain an emergency fund jointly.
• Discuss insurance coverage for health, long-term care, and critical illness.
• Agree on decision-making authority in emergencies.

Scenario:

Mr and Mrs Cheong set aside a joint fund of S$50,000 and bought insurance policies for emergencies. When Mrs Cheong had unexpected surgery, withdrawals were smooth, and no arguments arose about who should fund it.

Step 6: Consider professional guidance

Financial representatives or retirement advisors can help:

• Consolidate CPF, investments, and annuities into a comprehensive plan.
• Provide objective advice when spouses disagree.
• Model scenarios for longevity, inflation, and market risks.

Step 7: Communicate regularly

Even with a plan, circumstances change:

• Schedule quarterly or semi-annual check-ins to review budgets and goals.
• Discuss changing priorities, health considerations, and market performance.
• Keep conversations focused on shared goals, not blame or guilt.

Scenario:

The Wongs hold a “retirement review” every three months, reassessing budgets, discretionary spending, and upcoming travel plans. This ritual prevents surprises and ensures alignment.

Retirement income planning is about partnership

Money is a relationship stress test; but with planning, transparency, and shared vision, couples can enjoy retirement without fighting over finances.

By planning together, Singaporean couples can preserve both financial security and marital harmony throughout their golden years.